Is it Me or the Times that's Behind the Times

The lead article in today’s Food section of the Times is entitled “A Passion for Mussels.” The gist of this article is that mussels, which historically have been beloved in France, are gaining popularity and a stronger fan base in the United States. Not that I mind this, and actually hope that this popularity for les choses frainçaises isn’t limited to just mussels, but isn't this also the gist of what I wrote about 2 days go?

Thank goodness a United States District Court in Detroit ruled that the National Security Agency’s wiretapping policies (a.k.a. “Dick’s Law”) violated constitutional rights because I have been starting to sense that some big brother has been listening to the voices in my head.

Let me give you all a rough chronology of why I believe I have been wiretapped. In 1996, I came up with a great idea for a novel. The novel, written in the first person, would discuss the trials and tribulations of a flighty, not-so-pulled-together single woman in her 30s, who in the midst of an unhealthy obsession with her weight and dead-end job, pines for a steady boyfriend and some direction in her chaotic world. Shortly after this brilliant thought came to mind, the novel “Bridget Jones's Diary” was published. Coincidence? I think not.

Then, in 2003, I had another earth-shattering, this is it, $$$, I have a brilliant idea for a movie type of moment. On a cool Pasadena, California morning in January 2003 while watching the Rose Parade pass by, I began thinking about the pressures of being a member of a marching band. The constant stress to stay in some sort of marching formation, remembering your spare tuba mouthpiece, not buckling under the pressure by puckering too heard and breaking a clarinet reed, or not having a perfectly polished brass button on your uniform must be just overwhelming. Thinking that all of the stresses are just taken too seriously, I came up with an idea for a movie – a parody on marching bands. Then, later in 2003, Christopher Guest made “A Mighty Wind,” a parody and mockumentary about folk singers. The similarities to Mr. Guest’s movie and my idea lead me to believe, that once again, I was wiretapped…

I could go on and on. There have been too many moments in which I have felt that my creative inspirations or my creative thoughts have been blindly robbed from me. And now this! Is it possible, yet again, that my thoughts were used to create someone else's piece of work? Were the mussels I wrote about the basis of the Times’ story? In all seriousness, I realize that this didn't happen, but I should mention that I have been eating mussels all my life. Mussels have always been an important aspect of the dining scene on the North Fork of Long Island. So is the Times behind the times on this phenomenon?

But, in the interest of civil justice and constitutional integrity, I sure hope that W’s cohorts don’t stir the appeals pot too much. I would like my mussels to steam for a little longer next time…

Until next time…